He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
