May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
