My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
