It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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