Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
