i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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