You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
