my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
