Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How naked do you want me to be?
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