guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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