If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
