I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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