I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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