All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize