Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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