sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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