Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

you guys were way drunker than both of me

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(415): View more from California

Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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(559): View more from California

You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

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(845): View more from New York

i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

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(210): View more from Texas

Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

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(586): View more from Michigan

You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?

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(830): View more from Texas

So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life

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