She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
