Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
