final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
