If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
