I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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