bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
