Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
