Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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