I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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