My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
