theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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