The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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