Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
