omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
