I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
