Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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