Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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