i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
