U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
