He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
