I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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