I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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