my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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