I'm eating all of the evidence.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
