LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
