i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
