Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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