dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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