He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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