i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
