Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
