i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize