The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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