you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
