I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
