just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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