Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
