I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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