would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
