I've blown a few things in my day
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
