I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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