it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize