overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
