Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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