Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
