Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
