I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
