I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
