The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
