Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
