Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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