3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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