Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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