This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
