i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
