And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I forget how to act sober
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