are you still at the devil's house?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
